Setting the Climate for a Non-Confrontational Negotiation

What you say in the first few moments of a negotiation often sets the climate of the negotiation. The other person quickly gets a feel for whether you are working for a win-win solution, or whether you're a tough negotiator who's out for everything they can get.

That's one problem that I have with the way that attorneys negotiate-they're very confrontational negotiators. You get that white envelope in the mail with black, raised lettering in the top left hand corner and you think, "Oh, no! What is it this time?" You open the letter and what's the first communication from them? It's a threat. What they're going to do to you, if you don't give them what they want.

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I remember conducting a seminar for 50 attorneys who litigated medical malpractice lawsuits, or as they prefer to call them, physician liability lawsuits. I've never met an attorney who was eager to go to a negotiating seminar, although that's what they do for a living, and these people were no exception to the rule. However, the organization that was giving the attorneys their business told them that they were expected to attend my seminar if they wanted to get any more cases from the organization. So the attorneys weren't too happy about having to spend Saturday with me in the first place, but once we got started, they became involved and were having a good time. I got them absorbed in a workshop involving a surgeon being sued over an unfortunate incident involving a nun and walked around the room to see how they were doing. I couldn't believe how confrontational they were being. Most of them started with a vicious threat and then became more abusive from that point on. I had to stop the exercise and tell them that if they wanted to settle the case without expensive litigation (and I doubted their motives on that score) that they should never be confrontational in the early stages of the negotiation.

Setting the Climate for a Non-Confrontational Negotiation

So, be careful what you say at the beginning. If the other person takes a position with which you totally disagree, don't argue. Arguing always intensifies the other person's desire to prove himself or herself right. You're much better off to agree with the other person initially and then turn it around using the Feel, Felt, Found formula. Respond with, "I understand exactly how you feel about that. Many other people have felt exactly the same way as you do right now. (Now you have diffused that competitive spirit. You're not arguing with them, you're agreeing with them.) But you know what we have always found? When we take a closer look at it, we have always found that . ."

Let's look at some examples:

So instead of arguing up front, which creates confrontational negotiation, get in the habit of agreeing and then turning it around.

At my seminars, I sometimes ask a person in the front row to stand. As I hold my two hands out, with my palms facing toward the person I've asked to stand, I ask him to place his hands against mine. Having done that and without saying another word, I gently start to push against him. Automatically, without any instruction, he always begins to push back. People shove when you shove them. Similarly, when you argue with someone, it automatically makes him or her want to argue back.

The other great thing about Feel, Felt, Found is that it gives you time to think. Sometimes something will come up in a negotiation that you weren't expecting. You haven't heard anything like this before. It shocks you. You don't know what to say; but if you have Feel, Felt, Found in the back of your mind, you can say, "I understand exactly how you feel about that. Many other people have felt exactly the same way. However, I have always found . . ." By the time you get there, you'll have thought of something to say. Similarly, you sometimes catch other people at a bad moment. You may be a salesperson who is calling to get an appointment and the person says to you, "I don't have any more time to waste talking to some lying scum-sucking salesperson." You calmly say, "I understand exactly how you feel about that. Many other people have felt exactly the same way. However . . ." By the time you get there you will have recovered your composure and will know exactly what to say.

Key points to remember:

Don't argue with people in the early stages of the negotiation because it creates confrontation.

Use the Feel, Felt, Found formula to turn the hostility around.

Having Feel, Felt, Found in the back of your mind gives you time to think when the other side throws some unexpected hostility your way.

Setting the Climate for a Non-Confrontational NegotiationHalo: Reach - Fails of the Weak Volume #3 (Funny Halo: Reach Bloopers!) Tube. Duration : 3.58 Mins.

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Roger Dawson
Founder of the Power Negotiating Institute
800-932-9766
RogDawson@aol.com
http://www.rdawson.com

Roger Dawson is the author of two of Nightingale-Conant's best selling audiocassette programs, Secrets of Power Negotiating and Secrets of Power Negotiating for Salespeople. This article is excerpted in part from Roger Dawson's new book - "Secrets of Power Negotiating", published by Career Press and on sale in bookstores everywhere for .99.

Effective Negotiation Skills: A Practical Application

Negotiations are often associated with labor union contract, with strongly held positions, or with conflicting situations. However, looking at negotiating from a better perspective, we are surprised to find that it is much a part of our daily life. Daily, we bring negotiations into our relationships, our businesses, and our employment practices.

In recalling the different negotiations in which I have been involved, one stands clearly in my mind. It was a performance appraisal meeting at a former place of employment. I can recall how the meeting took place and its unproductive results. Later I learned effective negotiation skills that would have produced a winning outcome for all parties involved.

Biotech Rumor

Performance appraisals were conducted once a year in my former organization. I dreaded that review because a new manager that had not observed the employees' job performance would conduct it. Rumor had it that she would evaluate every one as merely competent employees, and contrary to my expectations, the rumor turned out to be true.

Effective Negotiation Skills: A Practical Application

My performance appraisal meeting became no more than a full review of all the dimensions in my job description. To each dimension she attached an equal sign to signify that I had performed as expected. There were no instances in which she thought that I had performed above expectations, and with that, I firmly disagreed. Not only did I disagree, but also I sensed I was becoming angry and resentful.

In that meeting, I took the position approach described in Fisher and Ury (1991) in their book Getting to Yes . I let my supervisor know that I was not in agreement with her and began to explain my view of my own performance, which I carefully backed with facts and figures. I made sure she understood that I deserved a much better rating. She took the position approach as well. She reinstated that all of my facts showed that my performance was as expected, and no more. I tried with examples to convince her, but she had taken a stand and would not back down. I did likewise. We were locked in our positions and did not reach a satisfactory agreement.

That performance review caused me to feel as if I had been in a battlefield and lost. I began to see my supervisor as my adversary and our work relationship suffered. I learned that the position approach does not produce a wise or beneficial outcome for either party. If the situation were to occur again, I could handle that negotiation in a much better way.

The circumstances would be the same. My new supervisor would have little knowledge of the employees' performance for the previous months and would opt for a competent evaluation across the board. I would be rated as a competent employee also. But here is where I would differ from my real experience. My new negotiation approach would be principle negotiation, negotiation on the merits.

I would begin by separating the people from the problem, as outlined by Fisher & Ury (1991) in the book Influence. In this case, separating the people from the problem meant to understand why she felt compelled to evaluate me in such way. Perhaps she was told to do so by her own supervisor, or may be she understood this to be a fair way of evaluating a performance that she had not observed. Regardless of the reasons, my new approach would be not to take it as a personal criticism, and I would remind myself that the ongoing relationship is more important than the outcome of that review.

My next step would be to focus on our common interests. I have learned that the aim of an appraisal system is to improve the employee´s performance. It should be goal oriented and it should point out an employee's specific needs for training and development. So rather than taking positions over my work in the previous twelve months, the content of the new meeting would be to identify a specific performance goal and to develop a plan of action to achieve the goal during the next performance period.

If I were given a chance to go through that performance evaluation meeting again, this is what I would say: "I really appreciate that you consider me a competent employee. That is what I strive for, and yet I would like to be more than competent. If you would agree with me, I would like for the two of us to focus on the future and on how I can improve my performance. It has been our organization's practice to measure performance by the objective set the previous performance period. I would like to work with you and to set goals for my development for the next twelve months."

Tow principles should work in the proposal made above, reciprocity and precedence. The principle of reciprocity says that we should repay what another person has provided for us. One of the consequences of this principle according to Cialdini (1993) is that we would feel obligated to make a concession to someone who has made a concession to us. In ignoring an average evaluation, I would have made a concession. By referring to our organization's past practice regarding performance, I would be establishing precedence. I would expect that my supervisor would have agreed to focus on a common goal if I had taken this approach.

Developing options for a plan of action for the next performance period would not be a difficult task at that point. A number of options would be listed that would satisfy my supervisor as well as myself. Ownership of the ideas would belong to both, and surely a plan for improved performance would bring about mutual gain.

Once my supervisor has agreed to develop a plan of action for the next performance period and has worked with me on a list of options, a third principle of persuasion should come into play, the principle of commitment and consistency. Commitment according to Cialdini (1993) means that there is a natural tendency to behave in ways that are consistent with the stand that we have taken. At this point, I would expect to see the old way of rating employees near the average or middle of the scale should be gone forever. The proposed type of appraisal meeting is based on an objective criteria and it focuses on solving problems rather than finding faults. It looks to the future and it yields to principles, not pressures.

In a real life situation, a performance appraisal meeting, effective negotiation skills can be used for mutual gain. In examining the positions that can be taken, it is clear that a position stand does not produce a satisfactory outcome for either party. Utilizing effective negotiation skills that bring about a winning outcome for all, includes separating the people from the problem, focusing on mutual interest, inventing options for mutual gain, and using objective criteria. Principles of persuasion, reciprocity, precedence, ownership, commitment and consistency are additional valuable tools in negotiations.

REFERENCES

Fisher, R. & Ury, W. (1991). Getting to Yes . New York: Penguin Books.

Cialdini, R. (1993). Influence . New York: William Morrow

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Dori Kelsey is owner operator of SpainExchange. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree from Spring Arbor College (Michigan) in Management and Organizational Development, and a Master of Liberal Studies from The University of Toledo (Ohio). Through her 25-year career in the United States she acquired professional experience in the fields of international education, employment and training, and human resources development along with effective skills in the development and coordination of programs and the provision of services to foreign nationals.

As owner operator of SpainExchange, she has developed educational tours of Spain, school exchanges, and customized training programs for various schools, universities and educational services. All programs have successfully met the clients' objectives as they provided relevant learning as well as enjoyable activities for the participants.